NEW YORK (OR MAYBE SAN FRANCISCO?) — Ben Suroeste, the adult industry’s premier fake journalist, multiple award-winning Sandwich Artist and certified Lack-of-Life Coach, may or may not be virtually signing his eponymous line of BS NFTs at “a big, fancy bookstore in New...

HOLLYWOOD, Ariz. – Ben Suroeste, an “alternative adult journalist” who ranks in the top 0.00001% of creators on the OnlyPornScribes.gw fake news platform, is now offering incredibly expensive advice to “anyone gullible enough to send me some crypto,” the alleged writer announced...

TRENTON, N.J. – I’ve always felt that whether 1000 feet is a significant distance depends largely on the context of the measurement. For example, if you’re a football team facing fourth down and 333.33 yards to go… well, then the rules and geography of football have changed quite...

SHADOWBANISTAN – You’ve probably never heard of Shadowbanistan, the obscure, forbidding, quite possibly imaginary country from which I’m writing this post, but it’s at the center of a major controversy right now, mostly involving just how many residents of this country there...

PINEDALE, Wyo. – Pinedale Forum, the adult industry’s premier rural U.S. trade conference, announced today the launch of “MetaDale Forum”, a trade event that’s “poised to revolutionize the adult trade show as we know it” according to Reggie Cheney, CEO of Adult E-Vents Ltd. and...

Happy Fourth Fifth of July, everybody! And since there’s no day like Independence Day to address weighty subjects like civil liberties, civil rights and uncivil discourse, I have a modest proposal that’s sure to be met with immediate approval by its intended audience – its...

TAMPA, Fla. – Before I get into the substance of this post, let me just explain why I feel compelled to refer to a certain upcoming major American professional sports event as the “Big Game,” rather than the name by which everyone in the fucking world knows the annual spectacle....

Pro tip for Congress-watchers: If you spend your time trying to make sense of every fool thing Congress proposes, considers, debates or collectively pontificates about, you will eventually lose your goddamn mind. I know this because, believe it or not, there was a time when I...

When you think about it, 2020 started off normally enough. By this I mean 2020 started off stupidly, cruelly and ridiculously, with me predictably suffering a liquor, amphetamine and psilocybin-derived hangover so severe that I openly yearned for death. Even so, January 1 gave us...

CHRISTMAS VILLAGE, North Pole – I’ll admit, there have been times in my life when I’ve been downright greedy with my Christmas gift wish list. Shit, when I was nine, I had the audacity to ask Santa for a handful of Micronauts, a dozen different Star Wars action figures and a...