VENEZUELA — Chances are good that someone, somewhere has called Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez a dick; maybe even to his face. But everyone who knows anything about his newly launched mobile telephone calls it what it is: a dick.The actual word is “Vergatorio,” which is Venezuelan slang word for penis.

Adding to the Latin world’s amusement – or distaste – concerning the phone’s provocative name is the fact that the stunningly priced phone was released to the world on Mother’s Day. In fact, Chavez showed his filial piety, if not his marketing good sense, by placing his first call on the new phone to his own dear old mom.

At a mere $15 American, the bargain beauty of the mobile device can’t be argued. Only the cheapest phones available in China come with a lower price point – and none of them come with as catchy a name.

Alas for Chavez, who nationalized the company that produced the mobile cock-off, nobody seems to care that it is “light, beautiful, good and cheap” or that it possesses many of the same capabilities of more expensive phones. All they can think about it is gutter language name.

Nonetheless, Chavez has informed the chi-chi set that “Whoever doesn’t have a Vergatiario is nothing.”

Who knew that owning a small cell phone capable of WAP and MP3 could be so – macho?

It would appear that Chavez and his petite cell phone have bigger balls than his critics, because in spite of their insistence that his chosen name is simply too vulgar and in embarrassingly bad taste, the president insists that “It is science and technology at the service of the people, not the elites… the day will arrive when we manufacture phones for Cuba and Latin America.”

Imagine; one day the whole of Latin America may find itself whispering into an MP3 playing penis. What a great day that will be for liberty, participatory government, God and federation.